Maybe

I wonder if you'll do the chasing this time

I wonder what will happen

I wonder why you do those things

I wonder

don't want to

I should just stop trying

Do as you will

Brian Sevilla

What was will always be close to my heart

I don't want to care, i don't want to be down, i don't want to pretend to be happy. It's the little things that occur that make life that much more difficult that you'd want it to be. The things that create the loss, the loneliness, the hurt and whatever you want to call those feelings that just eat you up inside. I don't even know why this is. Is it the weather that comes and goes, never staying the same. One moment all bright and sunny, making you feel as though you are on top of the world then it changing to dark and gloomy creating that feeling of depression that you just don't ever want on a spring day.

School life has finally come to a close and I will confidently say that I am going to miss every single moment of it. That routine of waking up every morning dreading of the draining day to come, full of essays, equations and those damn teachers that just won't leave you alone because of something you haven't done. Going through the day with your friends, knowing that they will always be there around you. Trying to enjoy what life has brought to us. I am really going to miss those times, you really don't understand what school is like once it's over for you.

Year 12 has been full of ups, downs, twists and turns. Days not being like the next even though you think they are.

De La Salle has been my home for these past 2 years and its going to be weird when tomorrow i'm going to walk out those gates saying that I will never be able to return to a place that has welcomed me as soon as I came. I've come across many different types of people and even though they are not the people that i would of thought i would want to hang around, i wouldn't trade anyone of them for anyone in the world. It's safe to say that while i was at school i was probably the most happy I had ever been in my lifetime. It's hard to see everyone move forward in life when it feels as though it was only yesterday that I walked through those gates wondering what surprises were lying ahead of me.

Our final classes were amazing to say the least, great day full of happiness, fun and some rebellion. Something to remember for the rest of my life, walking into school only to find that all of us would nearly be sent home, amazing teachers not giving a shit what we did, class parties which consisted of hugging my music teacher, an actual enjoyable further class, a deep and meaningful discussion with my software teacher, a study period which ended up with running down to Glenferrie Road to buy a slurpie and tanning up for summer with some of my closest friends and finally a awesome eating chocolate, running around the classrooms with my accounting teacher not giving a damn what we did. Final classes were probably the most amazing days of my life.

It's been an amazing 2 years.

Brian Sevilla

Goes out in the wind

So many things i want to say, so many things i feel. I wonder why I just can't say them... Maybe its that time of the year, maybe i'm just not ready. It's interesting to see what people say, the opinions that they have on life. I guess the only thing that appeals to me is the things that give me a chance to evaluate my life, evaluate how i'm doing. You've been there for me these years and months. Keeping track on how i'm feeling. Listening to every single word i've said, comforting me when i was down. Bringing me back to the world when all i wanted to do is escape from it. You're my motivation.

If you're all of those things, why am i so scared of what pain you could case me?

Only time will tell.

Brian Sevilla

You're worth my time

That moment, that feeling, that realization in time where you feel somewhat discouraged. Somewhat unmotivated to do anything. Where every moment that has led up to this moment has just been shutdown and everything has just been thrown back into your face just as though it was just a massive waste of your time. Not just with your education but just with life in general. You try and find that something to keep you going, I don't know if i found that or not.

I hope you're that what i need

Brian Sevilla

Just lock yourself and never come back

I suppose there's alot happening at the moment that is still finding it's way to the surface. I suppose there's not much stopping what is going to happen and i know after these exams a lot of people will either have a lot of fun or they will get hurt. I'm just scared of what will happen to me. There's many things that I hold close to my heart but I still need to ask myself what is going to happen.

We used to run this city. We used to enjoy our lives, we used to be young, naive, happy. Whatever happened to to that? We spent our days roaming around. Exploring new things, new people. We met interesting people in our days.

Remember that we used to be the best of friends, brothers even then it just so happened that you picked up and left my life. Without any reason besides some bullshit one of my education is important. I can't believe i actually believed you. I can't believe i stood up for you when people asked me where the hell have you been. It turns out that even though we went out separate ways. You say you were studying hard and it just so happened that i was still getting the same marks than you and i was trying to enjoy my life without you around. You were my brother. It just so happens that you come back just because of some bullshit incident, claiming that nothing has changed and that we are still the same as ever. I believed that as well. Even though people lost faith in you, somehow i still wanted to keep your friendship even though you obviously threw away mine and for what? It seems like your going to pick up and leave all of your friends that you finally got back once again. You've even made new ones and even though you say that nothing will change, we all know it will. You know what just leave if you want, but i know that when you come back there will be hardly anyone that is willing to welcome you back. Because honestly , if you leave again , you obviously didn't care about anyone besides yourself.

Remember that you won't just be losing me, but everyone that cared for you.

Brian Sevilla

Worrying is the only thing I've got left. Where are you, you're scaring me.



Brian Sevilla

Now that im here

Crying out for help and I wonder if you even hear me coming.
It really pains me to see you like this.

Brian Sevilla